Dear Friends,
Ephesians 4:32 challenges believers to forgive “quickly and thoroughly,” yet many of us discover that true forgiveness involves more than just acknowledging the wrong. What does it mean to forgive the way Christ forgave us? In this excerpt from my book, The Perfect Find, I share a personal journey of how God revealed the connection between unforgiveness, bitterness, and healing, and how prayer became the key to deeper freedom and restoration.
FROM BETRAYAL TO BREAKTHROUGH
There is hardly a more fitting description for the kind of wounds that come from those closest to us than the word “felled”. When a believer is betrayed by someone close, the blow lands so deeply it can take our breath away. It cuts in a way no enemy ever could. And when the heart finally buckles under the weight of that pain, all we can do is fall to our knees, not only to ask God to heal the gash in our own soul, but to intercede for the one who swung the axe.
Yet in this vulnerable place, God often does His deepest work. He does not delight in our suffering, but He uses it to shape us, refine us, and draw us into spiritual maturity. Everyone called to lead, love, or influence others will eventually face betrayal. It is part of the journey. But even in the depths of our pain, Jesus is working. If we refuse to let bitterness take root, the very wounds meant to destroy us can become the soil in which God’s purposes flourish. (Romans 8:28)
THE TORMENT OF UNFORGIVENESS
The Lord once gave me a vivid picture of what unforgiveness does to the soul. I saw a person trapped inside a massive industrial dryer, being violently tossed and slammed against the steel drum. Their head struck the metal repeatedly. Their knees and elbows crashed into hard surfaces. Their skin burned against the scorching steel. No rest came, only relentless bruising, burning, and exhaustion.
The Lord showed me that this is exactly what happens internally when we refuse to forgive, just as Jesus described in Matthew 18:23-35. In that parable, a king forgave a servant an impossible debt, a sum he could never repay. Yet immediately afterward, that same servant found a fellow servant who owed him only a small amount. Instead of extending mercy, he demanded payment and had the man thrown into prison.
When the king learned what had happened, he rebuked the servant and handed him over to the torturers until he paid his debt. Jesus concluded with a sobering warning: “That’s what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters from your heart” (Matthew 18:35, NLT).
The torment Jesus describes is not merely external punishment. It is the loving discipline of a Holy Father who refuses to allow His children to live with poison in their hearts. When believers cling to unforgiveness, God allows them to experience the painful consequences of that choice until they release the debt and return to peace.
THE CHOICE IS OURS
In that same vision, I saw Jesus standing beside the dryer. He had removed the door completely. The way out was wide open. The picture was clear: Christ has already made freedom available. The choice is ours: whether we remain trapped or step into that freedom.
Forgiveness is the first step out of the torment. However, forgiveness alone does not complete the healing process. Forgiveness breaks the spiritual bond that ties us to the offense, but prayer breaks the emotional bond that ties us to the pain. That is why Jesus said: “Love your enemies! Do good to those who hate you. Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you“ (Luke 6:27-28, NLT).
Jesus intentionally prefaced these words with, “to you who are willing to listen.” He knew how strongly we resist the very things that heal. Yet these commands are not for God’s benefit; they are for ours. They are the pathway to freedom from pain’s control over our lives. Scripture reveals the destructive nature of unresolved hurt. Psalm 140:3 compares the wicked’s words to the poison of vipers. When we replay painful words and offenses in our minds, that poison continues to circulate through our thoughts and emotions.
God’s antidote is His Word. Proverbs 4:20-22 teaches that God’s words bring life and health to the whole body. After being wounded, we often focus on the offense instead of the truth. Forgiveness is the first dose of God’s antidote. Prayer is the second. James 1:22-25 reminds us that transformation comes not from hearing God’s Word, but from obeying it. Forgiveness releases the offender; prayer releases the hurt that stayed behind.
FROM BITTER TO BREAKTHROUGH
I learned this lesson through personal experience. Years ago, arthritis developed in my hand. A painful knot formed at the base of my thumb, and an X-ray revealed severe inflammation and a joint that appeared displaced. Soon afterward, the Holy Spirit revealed that my physical pain was connected to a hidden spiritual issue: bitterness.
At first, I resisted because I believed I had already forgiven those who had hurt me. But as I prayed, the Lord led me to Isaiah 57:20-21: “The wicked are like the tossing sea, which cannot rest … ‘There is no peace,’ says my God, ‘for the wicked'” (NLT).
Most people think of the wicked as especially evil people, but the Hebrew word rāshāʿ, meaning “wicked” or “guilty,” also describes someone living out of alignment with God’s ways, resulting in unrest and instability. Like a joint out of place, the soul becomes misaligned when bitterness and unforgiveness are harbored, producing inner turmoil and a loss of peace.
Suddenly, the connection became clear. The restless soul rāshāʿ described was the same picture the Lord had shown me in the dryer vision, endlessly tossed about by memories of old wounds. Then, looking again at my X-ray, I realized that my displaced joint mirrored a deeper spiritual misalignment within my heart.
Like David prayed, “How can I know all the sins lurking in my heart? Cleanse me from these hidden faults” (Psalm 19:12, NLT). The recurring memories, emotional exhaustion, and inner unrest were not random. They were warning signs that the Holy Spirit was exposing hidden resentment so He could bring healing and restoration.
PRAYER: THE TURNING POINT
The breakthrough came when the Holy Spirit revealed a crucial truth: although I had forgiven those who hurt me, I had never truly prayed for them. I had overlooked Jesus’ command in Luke 6:28: “Pray for those who hurt you.” I obeyed immediately. I forgave again and began intentionally praying for those who had wounded me. What I had dismissed as mere painful memories was actually bitterness, lingering anger, hurt, and resentment over being treated unfairly.
The process felt awkward at first, but desperation for freedom pushed me forward. Day after day I prayed. Gradually, the emotional pain began to lessen. The Holy Spirit helped me see my offenders through Christ’s compassionate eyes. God’s love began replacing my resentment. The memories remained, but their power disappeared. The poison was gone.
As spiritual healing took place, physical healing followed. The pain in my thumb vanished completely. More than ten years later, I remain free from arthritic pain. The knot still remains as a reminder of what bitterness can do and of the freedom that comes through obedience.
THE FREEDOM THAT WAS THERE ALL ALONG
The most surprising discovery was realizing that freedom had been available all along. The answer was not missing. It was simply concealed behind my pain. Healing began when I stopped managing my hurt and started obeying God’s instructions. Sometimes pain becomes God’s tool to expose what needs His healing touch. Proverbs 20:30 expresses this truth plainly: “Sometimes it takes a painful experience to make us change our ways” (GNT).
We often carry wounds, attitudes, and buried memories that remain hidden from our view. Yet they continue affecting our emotions, relationships, and sometimes even our physical health. Like a warning light on a dashboard, recurring struggles may point to an issue beneath the surface that God wants to address.
Wounds inflicted by familiar hands may bring us low, but they were never meant to keep us there. God meets us in our pain, exposes what is hidden, and leads us into freedom. When we release unforgiveness, pray for those who hurt us, and let His love replace bitterness, He realigns what pain has pushed out of place and turns our deepest wounds into testimonies of His grace.
As you move forward this month, ask the Holy Spirit to reveal any hurts that still need His healing touch. Forgive thoroughly, pray faithfully, and trust God to replace every trace of bitterness with His peace. Freedom is often found on the other side of obedience.
In His Loving Name,
Life with Father Ministries
Let’s Pray:
Heavenly Father, search my heart and reveal any unforgiveness or bitterness hidden within me. Give me the grace to forgive as thoroughly as You forgave me in Christ, and teach me to pray for those who have wounded me. Fill every place of hurt with Your peace, love, and healing. May every reader know the saving grace of Jesus Christ and the eternal life found in Him alone. Amen.